Part 2

"Dear Journal,
I would give Mariyln Manson some clothes because he's mostly nakid on videos.

I would give Voldemort a Barbie so he can have a body.

I would give You a new pair of shoes because its hard for you to get new shoes.

I would get Mia Hamm some new shin guards so she will have no problem getting kicked in the shins.

I would get Tom Ammiano a knife to cut that big nose of his off.

I would get Robin Williams a pair of scissors to cut all of his hair off his legs.

I would get Jim Carey a nice extra large tooth brush to clean his big mouth.

I would get Austin Powers some new glasses because he looks dorky with the ones he wears. I would also get him a shaver to cut off his chest hair.

I would give Mike Tyson a large roll of ducktape so when he boxes other boxers he can use it to cover his mouth. you know why? right?

I would give Brandy Chestine a new shirt because she took the other one off while playing soccer."

I was a lovely child.

Inside the mind of 9 year old Tammie (pt.1)

So i was reading through my old journal from my 5th grade class. My teacher was Mr Murray, and he had us write journal entries every week which he would read and then reply back to us. These journal entries are hilarious so I've decided to share them with you.

"Dear Journal,
I know a secret. A secret about you Mr Murray! I found it out while I was talking to you. And guess what, I foud out when you yawned! This secret isnt very secret-like. I mean, its no big deal, its just like my Uncle Andrew. Well, the secret is that all of your back teeth are GOLD! I never seen so many in my LIFE! (except my Uncle Andrew). My Uncle andrew has gold ones and silver ones. Is it because you eat too much candy? or what??"

So then my teacher replies...

"A+ Tammie,
I was born without 4 permanent teeth on the bottom so the dentist had to put 4 false teeth in and anchor them to my real teeth. "

I reallllyyy think theres something wrong with me

So... its been... a month... and a half? since i've written a bLOGgg. sorry guys, i forgot i had one! :D Anyways...

There is something wrong with ME. As you all know, I love shopping. its no secret. BUT, I dont think you guys understand the seriousness of my love for shopping. It's not "I want to go shopping," rather its "i NEED to buy something RIGHT NOW or else im going to rip out my eyeballs." I just get sudden urges to buy SOMEthing. ANYthing. I love the feeling of having something BRAND NEW. Lately, this feeling has been coming around more often...like... everyday. and im not kidding. If i dont fufill this wanting of something new, I get cranky, irritated, and i cant focus. I just keep thinking about the next thing i want. Its getting ridiculous.

I literally go shopping, i'd say an average of atleast 5 days a WEEK. I get tired of seeing old clothes. I hate wearing the same thing over and over and over again. and I hate doing laundry. and I cant stay organized so i lose half the things i buy. It's a terrible terrible cycle of torture and a waste of money. but that doesnt phase me. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I was given everything I wanted growing up as a child. My parents have totally given up on trying to control my shopping. box after box after box gets delivered to my house (i stay up til 4am shopping online).

I've considered going to a therapist. but then i thought to myself... therapists arent cheap. my parents will never admit to me having a problem with shopping so they'd never fund it. i could pay for it... or i could use that money to buy shoes. SHOES. yes. i will go for the shoes.

Some people are REALLY stupid.

So. theres a lot of stupid people in this world who like to come to my restaurant. i dont understand why they all choose to congregate here. maybe they like teriyaki.

here are some examples. (things in parenthesis- what i REALLY wanted to say.)

1. some guy came into my JAPANESE restaurant, asking for THAI iced tea. (what kind of fucking sense does that make?)

2. some bitch waiting outside the bathroom says, "excuse me is there someone in the bathroom? because i can't open it." The lock on the bathroom says, "vacant." so i tell her, "no, it says vacant." and she looks at me like im CRAZY and says, "well WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" and its not even like she says it NICELY, she says it with attitude. (look bitch, it means empty.)

3. a guy calls on the phone and says "i want to order a teriyaki box." i say, "OK, what kind?" he says, "TERIYAKI." so I say ONCE AGAIN, "WHAT KIND (you stupid mother fucker)" he says, "TERIYAKI. YOU KNOW. WITH THE RICE. AND SALAD. IN THE BOX.."so i say, "CHICKEN !? BEEF !? PORK !?!?!? WHAT KIND! (you ignorant bitch!)" and this bitchass cuntface says, "CHICKEN" with this "DUH" attitude, like im supposed to be able to read his empty mind.

4. some people think things are free. this girl ordered a chicken teriyaki and then asked me for some edamame. so i gave her a box edamame and told her her total which was like 12 bucks. then she goes, "12 DOLLARS? WHY IS IT 12 DOLLARS? ISNT THE CHICKEN LIKE 7 SOMETHING?" and i say, "yeah but you also got edamame." and this bitch says, "ITS NOT FREE?" (NO! Why the fuck would i just give out free edamame?!"

...i gotta go but this will continue.

1st Post but who cares?

Hello all,
I'm pretty sure that all (3 ) of you who are reading this (shannon denise jordan) know who i am. so i think i'll skip the intro. i havent done a blog thing like this since XANGA (haha.... -_-) which was in freshman year of highschool i believe. im going to skip the grammatical/punctuation bs and type comfortably...unlike... you guys.

Today i watched THE PROPOSAL with cannon (cary and shannon) and of course, my manfriend OJ. It made me kind of anxious to be honest... i dont enjoy watching people being successful and rich (sandra bullock was wearing LOUBOUTINS. FML. ) because it makes me think about how i'm going to have to work my ass off to be successful and rich but im still in college and i still have atleast 2 years before i even finish and even then i might only be able to be a stupid NON PAID intern at an architectural/interior design firm and how its going to take forever for me to be able to earn lots and lots of money and spend it all on designer shoes and clothes and handbags and and and... ugh.

i just want to get rich quick. real quick.